Crime On The Web: Only Idiots Get Caught Out By Criminals

IN Legislation cannot stop people being born idiots, Dizzy looks at shopping on the web and online crime:

I was rather disappointed to see a bit of opportunism this morning in the Times. The article is about a report by the House of Lords about how tremndously dangerous the Internet is for fraud etc and how "something must be done!" by the Government. James Brokenshire, a Conservative home affairs spokesman, is quoted as saying

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Halting Ricky Gervais's Charge

The backlash against tubby comic Ricky Gervais started the minute people realised that he actually was David Brent.

From sickeningly false modesty over his success to his penchant for kissing the backsides of the rich and famous, Gervais is struggling to win back the public’s sympathy, particularly after his cringe-making Princess Di concert on-stage death.

Now, the millionaire star has been accused of latent greed, after tickets for his Edinburgh Fringe Festival show were priced at £37.50 a pop.

It doesn’t sound very ‘fringe’ to me.

Matt Damon Is Bourne To Be Rich

He may lack the looks of George Clooney or the charisma of Johnny Depp, but when it comes to value for money, dumpy everyman Matt Damon is Hollywood’s hottest product.

The star of the Bourne Identity and that thing about the guy who was really good at maths with Robin Williams in it, brought in £14.50 of gross income for every pound he was paid for his last three roles, putting him at the top of a Forbes list of the 22 biggest movie stars.

Brad Pitt was ranked second, with chubby camp star Vince Vaughn and Johnny Depp tying for third place.

Pitt’s ex-wife and Vaughn’s ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston is the most profitable actress with a gross income of £8.50.

Quiet Please For Girls Aloud

I’ve always felt sorry for the ginger one in Girls Aloud.

Not that she's ginger but that she seems so very much plainer than her ultra-glam band-mates.

One doubts that the majority of the fans who had bought tickets for the girl groups’ concert in Plymouth were particularly eager to see the red-haired popstar, however, in the end they got to see nobody.

The band cancelled the gig which had been scheduled for August 11 due to “unforeseen circumstances” including apparent health and safety issues.

But now fans who shelled out for the tickets, which cost up to £40, have been unable to reach promoters Edge Promotions to claim their refunds.

Fears are growing that Edge Promotions have simply done a runner.

Nothing Smells Like Kate Moss And Pete Doherty

A female celeb without her own perfume is like a fish without a bicycle. Hang on, that’s wrong isn’t it?

Anyway, according to the Sun, who are experts in such things, Kate Moss, now free of ‘urban poet’ Pete Docherty, is to go head to head with Kylie Minogue, who has just released her own ‘Sweet Darling’ scent.

Moss’ new fragrance, which is entitled ‘Kate’, is expected to bring in a whopping £65million over the next couple of years.

I wonder how much Docherty’s odour would make?

Bargain Hunt Accused Of Fix

Not Bargain Hunt! Not the show that, along with Songs of Praise and the Antiques Roadshow, has beamed wholesome entertainment into the chintzy living rooms of middle England.

Not the show that, from its low-budget, daytime-TV loins, gave birth to the orange icon that is David Dickenson? Surely it couldn’t be the latest show to be found guilty of deceiving its loyal viewers? Well, yes, it could.

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Burglary, Burglary, Burglary On Location, Location, Location

On the MTV Cribs programme, various celebrities of different levels of success let a TV crew into their home to basically show it off and say without fail, as they enter the master bedroom, “this is where the magic happens”.

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Marilyn Manson In The Black

The weather might have taken a belated turn for the better, but in the world of Goth, sunshine makes no difference – covering up in black clothes is non-negotiable.

King of the Goths, Marilyn Manson (pedants who want to argue what actually constitutes a Goth can either shove off or log on to Second Life and continue the debate with their ilk) is however, not only in a spot of bother over the hot weather.

The US superstar is the subject of a law-suit from a former band member, Stephen Bier, who claims he is owed £10million in shared profits. Manson, real name Brian Hugh Warner, has dismissed the claims as “really ridiculous”.

Buying John Lennon's Vision

John Lennon’s famous orange-tinted “granny” spectacles are to be auctioned by musical memorabilia website 991.com, with the winning bid expected to reach £1million.

The glasses themselves were given by the iconic Beatle to his interpreter Junishi Yore at the end of a tour of Japan in 1966. Expect Liam Gallagher to lead the bidding.

Harry Potter And The Secret Cashing In

The Sun reports that Harry Potter competition winners are selling their signed first editions of the new book on eBay for up to £3,000.

In all, 1,7000 copies of the book – Harry Potter and his Army of Sad Adult Fans – were signed by former Jamiroquai star JK Rowling for young fans who won a draw on publisher Bloomsbury’s website. But now the books are appearing on the auction website.

Guilty sellers can expect a plague of newts or something to fall upon their houses (no, I haven’t read any of the books).

Denise van Outen’s Morrison's Polemic

Denise van Outen’s big move to Hollywood may not have gone quite to plan, and now the former ladette is at the centre of an admittedly rather tiny storm over her new TV commercials for the Morrisons’ supermarket chain.

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Coronation Street Star Gets Good Return

Coronation Street star Antony 'no H'' Cotton has penned a new £120,000-a-year contract which sees his pay rise by a decent £40,000.

The actor is also set to front a new chat show on ITV which starts next month. Still, doesn't £120,000 a year for starring in a top-rated soap seem rather paltry?